我的心啊，你要安静

结束了随同加拿大国际专业服务机构在中国的短期事工，人完完全全地回到了加拿大，可是，心却不能完全的回来，是什么让自己的思绪常常在不知不觉中跑回那个遥远的即陌生又熟悉的地方呢？

是家乡的亲人、朋友加重了自己的思乡情节？也不是，其实，这次能够有机会顺路看望他们，是缓解了这份思乡情。曾经在中国生活32年，一直以为自己即了解中国农村的贫穷、又见过经济改革后的富足。古蔺之行，却看到许多自己所不曾知道的。记忆中，那雾蒙蒙的四川；那绿色的山；那些新结识的面孔，笑的、不笑的；那浓重的川音；那深灰色历经沧桑的砖瓦房；那些穿在人们身上满是灰尘与汉渍的衣服；那些质朴的脸庞和神情；那些拖着沉重手推车的车夫；那些早上5：30就不得不起来做工的孩子，还有她 (他) 们那渴望被关爱的眼神；那因瘫痪坐在轮椅上的煤矿工；那自幼患有白内障而又无钱医治的13岁女孩，以及那笼罩在她幼小心灵中即将失明然后失学的阴影；那失去拇指的男孩儿；那笑呵呵并总是满不在乎的救护车司机和他充满伤痛的人生故事…是什么牵动我的心？是他(她)们生活上的贫穷，是物质上的缺乏，经济上的紧迫? 我看到人们心中的无奈，我看到他们的挣扎，我看到他们

起早贪黑工作，我听到他们诉说的不是心中如何地盼望，而是那些盼望与想如何一次又一次地被摧毁。一个人的心到底能承受多少次打击、能经历多少的苦难？一双眼睛哭累了，就不会再有眼泪；一颗心哭累了，就不会再有盼望…

我的心却怎能不为同胞的无望无助而哭泣？！我的神啊，你将我带到那个地方，你让我的眼去看，你让我的耳去听，你让我的心去感受，你让我的灵去接触。

主啊，为何你将那些与我素不相识的人放到我的心思意念中？
你是要我明白他们是你所牵挂的？
你是要我明白你也是这样牵挂我们的？

Be Still My Soul,

My short term MSI medical service trip is over. I have physically returned to Canada, but my heart has not completely returned. What is it that brings my thoughts subconsciously back to that far away land every now and then?
Is it that the trip has intensified my home-sickness? Not likely either. In fact, since I had a chance to visit my family and friends after the trip, I feel less home sick than before. I lived in China for 32 years, and I thought I understood the poverty of rural China, as well as the wealth created by economic reforms. The trip to Gulin has opened my eyes to what I have never known. My memories are filled with the misty sky of Sichuan, the green mountains, the gray brick houses that have witnessed so much history, the smiling and serious faces, the heavy Sichuanese accent, the dusty and stained clothes, the innocent faces with sincere looks, men pulling heavy carts loaded with cargo, children who have to wake up at 5:30am to work, their eyes betraying their yearning for love, the paralyzed wheelchair-bound miner, the 13-year-old girl with congenital cataract, who fears the prospect of not being able to go to school, the boy who lost his thumb, the ambulance driver with a tragic life story, coping by laughing everything off. What is it that tugs at my heart? Is it their poverty, their material want? Yes, but that’s not all.

Through that poverty, I see the emptiness in their hearts. Through their daily toil and struggles, I hear not how and what they have hoped for, but how their hopes and dreams have been dashed time and time again. How much hurt can a person weather? How much trauma can a heart withstand?!

Oh, my Lord, it is you brought me to that far away land. You allow my eyes to see,